Slow Journey Away From Rome – Auricular Confession

Following is a Guest Post by Suzanne, who is currently strugging with her Catholic faith. I thank her for her valuable contribution.

The issue of confession is what first began to make me question Catholicism—and I am 30 and have been a willing and devout Catholic my whole life, until a few months ago. I have come to believe that the requirement of individual sacramental confession (auricular confession) puts artificial bounds on Jesus’ forgiveness. Auricular confession can be a great chosen path, and should be available as a choice—for example if someone wants to talk privately about a recurring sin; however, the absolute sacramental requirement for the sole particular ritual is misplaced in many situations.

The type of situation that has been described on this site—getting too close to your confessor—is clearly a danger, both because of the privacy of the confessional and the vulnerability of the confessor, and the stringency of celibacy (which I do not find wrong in itself, but it must be acknowledged that lifelong celibacy is a special condition that should be protected by not adding temptation)—for even a priest devoted to keeping proper boundaries might find himself sorely tempted when confronted with the intimacy that auricular confession requires.

There is something amiss in a system that exclusively requires priestly confession, and I am thinking in particular of, for example, a 14 year old girl who is struggling with sexual sins like masturbation. Imagine the difficulty of a 14 year old girl confessing that sin, out loud, to a priest who is probably twice her age. But the alternative is to risk burning in hell.  Is this kind of choice between deep embarrassment and hellfire really the reason why Jesus came? The "secret" confession available (with the screen) is an illusion, because our priests know us and they know our voices. And how difficult must it be for priests to hear parishioners detailing their sexual sins over and over, when they are vowed to be celibate!

The specific rite of auricular confession is not as old as the church itself and in fact it is much newer. When I turned 30 this year, I began to question why I, a grown woman, must tell my most embarrassing deeds to a priest—who I may have gone to college with, who I drank with at parties—and have him hand out penance to me when he knows nothing about the strains of being a mother, being a woman, being a wife—any of it.

Many Protestant churches offer a general confession, where parishioners admit and confess their specific sins to God in their heart, and the priest offers the Protestant version of "absolution." This option exists in the Catholic church as well, but it is rarely offered. I believe many more souls would actually confess and repent of their sins if this option were offered, because it preserves the dignity and modesty of the individual. I personally feel that this is particularly true in the case of young girls, although any demographic may have serious issues with confessing to a priest, for many reasons.

In my prayer and study I begin to know Jesus as the One who is with us in these dark times—the continual process of sanctification—and He is with us whether we sinned two minutes ago or two years ago. God is God of the desert as well as God of the mountaintop.

After Catholicism – Now What?



Someone wrote me last week asking if I knew of the “perfect church” for ex-Catholics. She had found this site by searching for those keywords. She said she had tried other religions, but missed the ceremonial aspect of Catholicism. I’m cyber-friends with another Sort-of Catholic who said she had the same experience, tried other religions, and finally ended up returning to the Catholic Church. Sort of. A childhood friend recently told me that she misses nothing at all about the church, but she left at age 18, whereas I and these other women were in our 30s.

I wrote back, and told her that there is no such thing as a perfect church, because religion is man-made and therefore differs from spirituality.

At least that is my opinion. Then again, I do not miss the ceremonial aspects of Catholicism at all. Mass was hard for me to sit through. I found its repetitiveness to be mind-numbing. Otherwise, I had little objection to most laws and philosophies of the Church. I didn’t delve deep into understanding much of it, either. What I do miss about Catholicism: the homily, going on retreats, community, opportunities for volunteer work, the lovely church building itself that was my parish and holds many wonderful memories. I also miss not being divided from my family on the subject of religion.

For any former Catholic, inevitably there is the question: Now what? I left the church two years ago and am still somewhat uncertain where to go from here. I still mourn the loss sometimes and in the beginning I had trouble separating God from Catholicism.

See, another reason there is no “perfect” solution to the “What now?” question is that we all became former Catholics for different reasons and at different times in our lives. I’ve tried to find out where most people go when the leave Catholicism, and found this:

While those Americans who are unaffiliated with any particular religion have seen the greatest growth in numbers as a result of changes in affiliation, Catholicism has experienced the greatest net losses as a result of affiliation changes. While nearly one-in-three Americans (31%) were raised in the Catholic faith, today fewer than one-in-four (24%) describe themselves as Catholic.

Bishop John McCarthy writes on his website:

Why do these people leave? One of the most common reasons articulated is that they do not see the Catholic Church as a loving community of faith striving mightily to bring truth, justice and love into the world.  Rather, in their opinion, they see a very large organization in which most individuals become isolated and this organization is controlled by a group of leaders that are insensitive to the needs of the people, who are seen to be more concerned about exercising power and control than a generous concern for all.

Further down in the post he quotes Father William Byron, who states:

If they really believed in Jesus’ presence, a misstep of this or that ecclesiastical leader and a failure at good communication within the Church would not motivate departure.  If they really believed in the presence of Jesus, they would hold on through thick and thin and pray that a restructuring in the Church may soon come to reflect with much greater clarity the continued presence of Jesus of Nazareth.

Yes, McCarthy is disagreeing with Byron here.

And he uses that sentiment to bring home the central reason that all former Catholics—regardless of the circumstances surrounding our departure—leave Catholicism. We do not see the church as being the sole path (or for some, a path at all) toward truth, love, and justice. Whether we believe in Jesus’ presence or not, we have been able to separate that presence from Catholicism, at least partially, and in some cases view the church and Jesus in direct opposition.

The perfect church cannot be found here on earth. This isn’t to say there are not good churches that may be a better fit for some of us. We can, however, weave the missed aspects of our former faith into our lives in other ways, while growing in our spirituality and embracing the one quality that Jesus taught over and over in the bible: compassion.

QUESTION FOR FORMER CATHOLICS:
What spiritual path, if any, have you taken since leaving the Catholic church?

Top Reasons Catholics are Leaving the Catholic Church

Whether it’s simply a lack of Mass attendance or suffering from serious clergy abuse, there are many reasons we have left the Church. Here are some of the main reasons that Catholics have become Former Catholics:

1. You’ve left the Catholic faith without even realizing it—one day you just stop attending and never look back. You never felt connected to the Church or parish and no one has even noticed you are not there anymore.

2. You left because you’ve married a non-Catholic and decide to embrace that faith instead.

3. You discovered that Catholicism does not coincide with many of the bible’s teachings and that much of its doctrine is man-made. You either join another faith or do not join another denomination.

4. You’ve gone through many agonizing struggles with Catholic dogma, and ultimately realize that your life situation cannot be reconciled with Catholic doctrine.

5. Perhaps you are currently still a Catholic “in good standing” but are discerning whether Catholicism is the answer to salvation.

6. Hypocrisy. A traumatic life event involving a member of the church hierarchy has left you reeling and this religious abuse ends your tie with Catholicism in a split second.

7. A traumatic life event in general has questioned your belief in God or Christianity altogether.

Or maybe it’s a combination of several of these factors. For many cradle Catholics, Catholicism is not just a religion, it’s a culture and a way of life. Catholics who question an aspect of doctrine may find themselves at a crossroads of confusion and anxiety, especially those who feel an affinity and attachment to their parish.

Just as there are many reasons that Catholics leave the church, there are many demographics: young and old, with thorough knowledge of Catholic teaching or little knowledge at all, and some feel at total peace with their decision while others may find the break deeply painful.

So this is a group website, where guest posts and comments are welcome and encouraged, where resources are shared. We want to hear your story, to share the struggles and triumphs along your spiritual journey during and after Catholicism.