tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33645083808275062192024-03-25T06:57:52.982-07:00Former CatholicWelcome! This website is intended as a safe place for Catholics and Former Catholics who are struggling or have struggled with some aspect of the Catholic church. It is not an anti-Catholic website or a “war on Catholicism,” though perhaps some conservative Catholics may view it differently. It’s intended to be a place of compassion, hope, and respect for all points of view that are expressed with kindness.Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087780937615681777noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3364508380827506219.post-65348905943449702952011-10-29T02:48:00.000-07:002011-10-29T02:51:13.060-07:00Slow Journey Away From Rome – Auricular Confession<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10pt;">Following is a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Guest Post </b>by <strong>Suzanne</strong>, who is currently strugging with her Catholic faith. I thank her for her valuable contribution. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10pt;">The issue of confession is what first began to make me question Catholicism—and I am 30 and have been a willing and devout Catholic my whole life, until a few months ago. I have come to believe that the requirement of individual sacramental confession (auricular confession) puts artificial bounds on Jesus’ forgiveness. Auricular confession can be a great chosen path, and should be available as a choice—for example if someone wants to talk privately about a recurring sin; however, the absolute sacramental requirement for the sole particular ritual is misplaced in many situations.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10pt;">The type of situation that has been described on this site—getting too close to your confessor—is clearly a danger, both because of the privacy of the confessional and the vulnerability of the confessor, and the stringency of celibacy (which I do not find wrong in itself, but it must be acknowledged that lifelong celibacy is a special condition that should be protected by not adding temptation)—for even a priest devoted to keeping proper boundaries might find himself sorely tempted when confronted with the intimacy that auricular confession requires. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10pt;">There is something amiss in a system that exclusively requires priestly confession, and I am thinking in particular of, for example, a 14 year old girl who is struggling with sexual sins like masturbation. Imagine the difficulty of a 14 year old girl confessing that sin, out loud, to a priest who is probably twice her age. But the alternative is to risk burning in hell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is this kind of choice between deep embarrassment and hellfire really the reason why Jesus came? The "secret" confession available (with the screen) is an illusion, because our priests know us and they know our voices. And how difficult must it be for priests to hear parishioners detailing their sexual sins over and over, when they are vowed to be celibate!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10pt;">The specific rite of auricular confession is not as old as the church itself and in fact it is much newer. When I turned 30 this year, I began to question why I, a grown woman, must tell my most embarrassing deeds to a priest—who I may have gone to college with, who I drank with at parties—and have him hand out penance to me when he knows nothing about the strains of being a mother, being a woman, being a wife—any of it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10pt;">Many Protestant churches offer a general confession, where parishioners admit and confess their specific sins to God in their heart, and the priest offers the Protestant version of "absolution." This option exists in the Catholic church as well, but it is rarely offered. I believe many more souls would actually confess and repent of their sins if this option were offered, because it preserves the dignity and modesty of the individual. I personally feel that this is particularly true in the case of young girls, although any demographic may have serious issues with confessing to a priest, for many reasons.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10pt;">In my prayer and study I begin to know Jesus as the One who is with us in these dark times—the continual process of sanctification—and He is with us whether we sinned two minutes ago or two years ago. God is God of the desert as well as God of the mountaintop.</span></div>Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087780937615681777noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3364508380827506219.post-31323361739182844792011-09-28T10:40:00.000-07:002011-09-28T21:34:44.590-07:00Negative Self Esteem For Women Left by Priests<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">I’ve received a large response to my post, <a href="http://www.formercatholic.com/2011/03/advice-for-women-in-love-with-priest.html">Advice for Women in Love with a Priest</a>. Thank you all for your comments; it makes us feel not so alone in these unfortunate and life-defining circumstances. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">Sadly, I see in the <strong>Comments</strong> section, so many comments where women blame themselves, as I often have:</span></div><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;"></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">“It hurts more than anything that has ever happened in my life, even now, over a year later.”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">“I feel like if I was a better person, prettier, more successful, smarter, he would want to be with me. I also feel so stupid for thinking he could love me.”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">“I am a stupid sheep...”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">"Is not a secret marriage optional?....I think it is a mature solution....I mean she agrees never be seen etc."</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">"I felt so stupid it nearly killed me....FROM A SAD BROKEN WOMAN........"</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">"I've been broken up with my priest for over a year.... It's gotten easier, but in no way am I over it....He turned on me in the end..."</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">All of these comments (except for one, that I will mention below) could have been written by me, and I suspect, most women who have loved a priest. It saddens me to read of so many other women going through these same self-esteem issues in the wake of being jerked around by a priest. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">I haven’t addressed each comment specifically so I wanted to write a few thoughts I have about these comments and about the wonderful women who have had the courage to comment here and email me personally:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><ol style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">It hurts. A lot.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;"> One commenter pointed out, </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">“...children are perceived as victims but women are seen as victimizers themselves.”</span></i><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;"> This is so very true—we are viewed by mainstream Catholics (especially happily married ones whose personal lives are just hunky-dory) as the manipulators of these poor, lonely priests whose deepest desires are to remain celibate and be left alone by women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As another woman wrote, </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">“Since it was a secret relationship, the grieving has to be secret too.” </span></i><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">This is important—it’s not like we’ve just lost a husband, and the pity comes pouring in. Since many of us come from Catholic families ourselves, we have no one to turn to with our grief and must bear it alone.<br />
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I’ve received only two nasty comments so far, that I will not publish, from a truly disturbed man who stated how lucky he is that the women who have come into his life (I sense he’s not partnered, however!) have a deep sense of personal responsibility unlike the temptress that I am, then later that day advised us all to become the priest’s housekeeper and have his baby that way. Yeah, that would work. Not.</span><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><br />
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">Contrary to our thoughts, we <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">exceptionally </i>pretty, smart, and successful.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;"> Think about it. Priests are not allowed to view women as more than a sister. They see us as either the Virgin Mary or a whore; there’s little middle ground. Their minds are not even allowed to “go there” by viewing us as someone they could fall in love with. But they <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">have</i> crossed the boundary to love us, enjoy our company, and considered us special (and probably always will). We don’t see them crying their eyes out at night when they go to bed, but it happens, that I know for a fact. If we were not pretty, special, etc, we would not have been the object of their attraction in the first place. Still, I too feel “what man could love me” if Fr. X wouldn’t leave the priesthood for me. Since we would have gone to the ends of the earth for them, why can’t they do this one little thing for us? Fear is the only reason. That, and a warped theology.<br />
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">We’re not stupid. </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">We fell in love, that’s all. What’s stupid is the celibacy rule that the Catholic Church invented (yes, “invented”) around 1100 A.D. due largely to <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">St. Paul</place></city>’s opinion that unmarried men should not marry because he thought that the End Times were imminent. Well, he was clearly wrong that the End Times were imminent, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">so might he be wrong about one other little thing too?</i> There is no scripture to support celibacy as being superior to marriage, other than <place w:st="on"><city w:st="on">St. Paul</city></place>’s warped, misogynistic view. Some of these men took the vow of celibacy as teenagers, not realizing, let alone feeling, the full consequences of this vow. Eventually, many do, and they become scared.<br />
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Fact: the Catholic Church itself sets us up for failure, sets us up for temptation. For spiritual counseling, it’s recommended we seek a priest. We confess our sins to a priest. We receive all sacraments from a priest. These are the rules of the church, and the way a relationship with a priest begins is typically by the priest—since both parties know we can only view the other person in our proscribed roles, we’re caught off guard and ashamed to discover we have feelings for him. But by then it’s too late. We’ve already fallen for him, and what follows is nearly impossible to avoid (by this, I mean, feeling that we are stupid for loving a priest.) </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">He will probably turn on you in the end. </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">Today, most priests do not leave the priesthood for marriage. I’ve written an <a href="http://www.leavingthepriesthood.com/#anchor_187">article about the reasons for this</a>, but his reputation and livelihood, not to mention his theology, is on the line. Priests are largely cut off from the “real” world and even if he does decide to be with you, one visit with his spiritual advisor is enough to turn his heel back to his brethren. He is told that he will experience eternal hellfire, and what’s more, so will his beloved. If he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really </i>loves you, he’s told, he will let you go—he will not send you to Hell.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">A Secret Marriage is Not Optional. </span></b><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">That is my opinion. I’ve been told that the couple should move away from the priest’s home parish if he is to be laicized and married, or not laicized and married. It might be awkward for the couple to stay in the same small town where he was a pastor, and a move might benefit them both. But, a secret marriage where “she” is not seen? I respect this poster’s courage to comment, and the rest of the comment, but cannot see the logic of imposing shame on two people in love who want to make a commitment. They should be able to share time with family and friends as before. Those that do not support the decision do not have to agree with it, but it doesn’t necessitate cutting people out of each other’s lives. We all make decisions daily that the entire world will not agree with—it’s what makes the world go ‘round, after all—and we need to all learn to live with each other. </span></li>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt;">I would like to write a post about <strong>How To Get Over Loving A Priest</strong>, or at least <strong>How To Cope in the Aftermath of Loving a Priest</strong>. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">If anyone has any respectful ideas for this, please email me at: <a href="mailto:aftercatholicism@gmail.com">aftercatholicism@gmail.com</a>. You can either use your real name and be quoted, or be anonymous. Suggestions are welcome!</span></div>Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087780937615681777noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3364508380827506219.post-21304515670952378912011-08-10T09:59:00.000-07:002011-08-10T10:01:07.742-07:00Do Priests and Bishops Have a Superiority Complex?<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I came across an interesting article today on Max Lindenman's blog, Diary of a Wimpy Catholic, called </span><a href="http://www.patheos.com/community/diaryofawimpycatholic/2011/08/05/clerical-narcissism-myth-or-mess/"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Clerical Narcissism: Myth or Mess?</span></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My answer: BOTH.</span> By "clerical narcissicm" he refers partially to bishops covering up sex abuse scandals that have been in the news for 10+ years now, but also a root cause of it: the belief that bishops and priests believe themselves to be superior to other members of the church, and certainly to lapsed Catholics. (It's worth noting here that one reason people have left Catholicism is because of the abuse AND the cover-ups.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">However, he delves deeper into the issue, citing mandatory celibacy as a reason for narcissism by putting forth inhuman asexuality as the ideal. And, if priests and bishops are practicing this, the "ideal," they may accidentally tend to have a superiority complex toward others who are not. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">But what makes this article so thought-provoking is Lindenman's Devil's-advocate approach to the issue, stating: "I am curious to know whether a certain excessive self-regard might be a priestly occupational hazard." He means this as an honest question, not a put-down or assumption: he truly wants to know. Further down he writes, "The mistakes of the institutional Church have much less interest for me than the experience of the individual priest, whom I take on faith to be an essentially good guy who wants only to do right. If any Church norms or practices do, in fact, encourage priests to adopt a narcissistic self-concept, I am assuming they adopt it unwittingly and probably unwillingly." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Personally, I agree with him wholeheartedly. Narcissism <em>is </em>a job hazard of the priesthood, but it is also a job hazard for many other professions--especially professions where people tend to believe their job is their near-total identity. Even little things in <em>all </em>of our daily lives can cause us to be narcissistic. And, despite my own run-in with a priest that I write about on this website, I too believe that most priests are trying to be a good guy and do the right things. I will even say this is true of the of priest I have written about. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">And yet, the Church does foster narcissism in the clergy, intentional or not. <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">One brilliant commenter stated that hearing Confessions humbles the priest because he hears sins that are his own and is reminded of them. This could be a post in and of itself. Hearing confessions, on the other hand, can certainly foster a sense of superiority--imagine the power inherent in being the mediator between the sins of the laity and God Himself. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Being alone, though, compounded by being at the whim of one's superior (there are many hierarchies in the church) for not only your livelihood, but your reputation, your identity, your living quarters, can be the toughest job of all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I would be sincerely interested in what priests themselves have to say about this. Please comment respectfully.</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span>Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087780937615681777noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3364508380827506219.post-11044784014271510992011-03-30T03:06:00.000-07:002011-04-20T21:09:40.444-07:00Advice for Women in Love with a Priest<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Advice for Women in Love with a Priest</strong></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here is my advice to any woman who has a close relationship with a priest who will forever remain theologically bound to the priesthood. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It can be said in as few words as a poem I wrote using a set of word magnets on my refrigerator. It was interesting to write this within the confines of the words that were in the little box. This action is an ironic metaphor for falling in love with a priest--I was very limited in one way, and yet there were words to choose from that I wouldn't have otherwise thought to use. It altered my "advice" or perspective slightly from what it may have been had I had more word choices available. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSyKYk3CZtOWlE4XAC96obFCTrtwF0Y9AaKNaS9DxXq5zsrrsXGL4v3kOzcNltenJGKRIzkRSMhxLAGBgcSCwD9D1NShGsCXAwLnZy1iK_Fa-rxCHeSjl1J4h4iMyKRFI3WEDsYrUR9Io/s1600/stopthedeathdrive.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSyKYk3CZtOWlE4XAC96obFCTrtwF0Y9AaKNaS9DxXq5zsrrsXGL4v3kOzcNltenJGKRIzkRSMhxLAGBgcSCwD9D1NShGsCXAwLnZy1iK_Fa-rxCHeSjl1J4h4iMyKRFI3WEDsYrUR9Io/s640/stopthedeathdrive.jpg" width="337" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(c) 2011 All Rights Reserved. Marie of formercatholic.com.</td></tr>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or, the advice can be spelled out completely as I do in this post which is based upon the poem above.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The title simply indicates that loving someone who is married to an ideology will ultimately bring nothing but pain. It is a "death drive" in a literal and personal sense for myself, but universally it means the cycle of euphoria, guilt, chastisement, withdrawal from the situation, addiction to it, and back to euphoria. Each cycle becoming more intense and more destructive.<br />
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The woman may hope that the priest is in a discernment period during these cycles—and he may well be. Many priests have left the priesthood to become husbands and (true) fathers, men of faith and family. But, <strong>it is typically up to the woman to introduce the subject</strong> because the priest has too much to lose if he initiates the conversation and the woman rejects him. He usually will not take that chance.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Find out for Sure</span></b><span style="color: black;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, the woman should "ask." <strong>Ask what his intentions are.</strong> In this day and age, most priests do not have the theology or confidence to leave and will choose the priesthood over marriage. The only healthy thing for both, once it’s clear he’s made his decision, is for the woman to <strong>"tell" him goodbye "and go." </strong>This of course is hard as hell, and nearly impossible for some. But it's the only choice that can eventually be made, and take it from one who has been there and done that, the woman is better off breaking contact as soon as possible once she has received his unequivocal "no" response. <br />
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Due to the extreme difficulty for both to part so suddenly, there is usually some lingering and false hope—for her, that he will see the light and reject celibacy, and for him, that she will continue to be his proxy girlfriend while he remains in his priestly vocation. If a woman feels her vocation is marriage, then this would require him to forsake his vocation so that she can gain hers, or, she would have to give up her vocation for him to keep his. Hence, the added emphasis of <strong>"run" and "leave." If you are the woman, I strongly urge you to do just that right away</strong>. Otherwise you're in for a world of pain, or rather, <em>additional</em> pain, since you're already emotionally damaged for the short term, and possibly for the long term.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dealing with Rejection</span></b><span style="color: black;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Next, comes acceptance. The woman will want to make excuses for him and will probably always love him. But <strong>never forget that "yes he did use you." </strong>Emotionally, sexually, to meet his unmet needs—and in doing so, the priest along with his "bride" Catholicism, has also damaged the woman spirituality to some extent. <br />
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And, intentionally or not, <strong>he did this by manipulating, lying, and robbing a woman of her self-worth, manipulating her into believing there was the possibility of a true relationship, and finally, lying—to her, to himself, and to anyone he talks to—by saying that she never meant a thing to him</strong>. In his defense, the priest may not even realize that he is doing this—he is probably living out the fantasy in his mind that the woman he loves is his wife and that he’s making a sacrificial love to her by saving both their souls so they can be together in heaven. Catholicism feeds him this worldview. So he is not only manipulating the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">woman</i>, lying to her and robbing her of her self worth—he is doing these very same things to himself.<br />
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After a woman lays the situation out for what it is, and gives a necessary ultimatum of either growth in the relationship or an end to it, <strong>the priest's first reaction is going to be fear</strong>. Fear of his reputation, his job, his reliance on the Catholic church for his livelihood. <strong>He masks this with anger, lashes out at the woman frantically, proving his weakness under the shadows of celibacy by trying to exert a false power. Again, the woman must accept that this is the case, and go through the grieving process</strong>. By “accepting,” I don’t mean “agreeing” with it. I mean, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">facing</i> the truth, and eventually understanding why this is his initial reaction.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Justification</span></b><span style="color: black;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Later, the priest may apologize, and even believe that he is sorry. But what he is sorry for is his harsh reaction, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">not any of his other actions</b>. He’s still steeped in the Church’s man-made rule of celibacy and holds himself on the pedestal of Jesus and St. Paul. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">His was a sort of “Bill-Clinton-style” of relationship with you. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Mark my words, the priest will justify the relationship in his mind <u>no matter how far it went</u>. </b>He’ll do this regardless of whether the relationship was a full blown sexual affair or an inappropriate closeness (by the rules of the church). </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some examples:</span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If the two of you were very close and he consistently broke rules such as spending time alone with you at your house in secrecy, he’ll tell himself that “it was just a close friendship.” </span></div></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If he led you on emotionally, he’ll think, “But she KNEW I am a priest—how dare she think I could be a husband?” </span></div></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If the two of you were sexual up to Base 3, he’ll say to himself, “Yes, but we didn’t go ‘all the way’ to Base 4.”</span></div></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If it was oral sex, he’ll say, “But at least it wasn’t intercourse.” </span></div></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you went to Base 4 and he pulled out early, he’ll still consider himself “celibate.” </span></div></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i> intercourse, he’ll say, “But I went to confession and am absolved, plus she tempted me.” </span></div></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If he gets the woman pregnant, he’ll expect her to either have an abortion to protect his reputation or will simply tell her to go on her merry way and he will have nothing more to do with his lover or his own child.</span></div></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Don’t blame the Church,” my priest said to me during this aftermath period. “Blame me.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There’s enough blame in these sick situations to go around. I blamed, <u>in this order</u>: 1) Myself 2) Fr. X, and 3) the Catholic Church. I could only control my own actions, so I blamed myself the most. Next I blamed Fr. X for his schoolboy mentality and the way he handled and justified everything between us. I blamed the church the least, only because the celibacy doctrine has been around for hundreds of years before I was even born—we knew the Church’s rules and broke them anyway, but hypocritically within its confines.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Forgiveness</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Damage has occurred that mere words of apology and forgiveness cannot undo.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Although receiving an apology may help the woman move toward forgiveness, it’s somewhat irrelevant in the large scheme of things. Why is this? Because you can forgive a person whether or not he has apologized, and, if he has apologized, it’s questionable whether that was genuine. Since the relationship and aftermath were largely based on inauthenticity, what’s to say that his apology is genuine, and what’s more, that your forgiveness is genuine?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">The woman doesn’t need to forgive the priest in order to begin the healing process. </span></b><span style="color: black;">We’re always taught by society that we <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">must</i> forgive, we must let go of the grievance, or we can’t begin to heal. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">In truth, it is the other way around: only by starting the healing process can true forgiveness ever occur. </b></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The woman has just suffered intense emotional and spiritual damage—to add the pressure of forgiveness on top of that might be too much to bear, resulting in even more unnecessary guilt. What’s more, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">the woman might end up lying to herself if she believes she has completely forgiven the priest or the church or even herself</b>, as I did. If there’s continued contact with the priest after this apology and “forgiveness,” and the relationship continues to spiral completely out of control, then forgiveness becomes ever more elusive. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Do not feel guilty and do not worry about forgiveness. As Eckhart Tolle wisely says in his book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A New Earth</i>, “</span>Don't try to let go of the grievance. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trying</i> to let go, to forgive, does not work. Forgiveness happens naturally when you see that it has no purpose…” But you need to be somewhat removed from the situation before that can happen.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My line of the poem saying that the priest “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">crushed the petal like a life blow</b>,” has always been an apt <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>metaphor for my grievance against Fr. X. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">My grievance lies <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> in the fact that he didn’t or wouldn’t leave the priesthood to be with me. It lies solely with the way he treated me in my most vulnerable hour, when I shared with him my feelings about wanting to either go one way or the other with him and stop living in limbo</b>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For the priest to believe that an apology afterward will make things right is like taking a delicate flower, squashing it into the ground with his foot, then picking it up later fully expecting that it can be put together again the way it was before. It cannot. Its form and being have changed. All the forgiveness in the world cannot bring it back to its original state.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The next line, “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">with mean will</b>” is what I mean by this. It may be the church’s fault for having a ridiculous celibacy doctrine, it may be the woman’s fault for getting emotionally involved with a priest, and it may be the priest’s fault for getting emotionally involved with the woman. But the one thing that is hardest to swallow is the nastiness shown—whether it’s based on fear or not—when a woman merely expresses private words with the priest about a subject that has been shoved under the table for a long time, sometimes years. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So when Fr. X said, “Don’t blame the Church. Blame me,” I did indeed! The Church has some arguably rigid and Pharisaical doctrines, but each person is responsible for choosing whether to follow them and in doing so, causing a great deal of pain for another person. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dealing with the Initial Shock and Grief</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are no words when your world comes crashing down. Just snippets like “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">how what but no never no.</b>” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The woman is stunned when the person she loved the most, who showed her nothing but kindness, caring and love before, suddenly turns on her when she did nothing wrong or offensive to him. Later, she’ll come to understand why the priest reacted in such a terrible way, but the sting of the cold and superior attitude of the priest who is crushing her like a flower with his foot into the ground, is horrible and surreal. It is shocking and unbelievable.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Grief begins.</b> As I said, the priest may try to get back together once the dust settles. He may blame the woman for “ending” the relationship—yet another reason he was nasty when the woman put the cards on the table. If you’re a woman dealing with this, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The longer you allow him into your life once you know that he will remain a priest, the longer and deeper the grieving process will take</i>. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The initial grief is the most intense, typically. In those first few days, I remember pulling off to the side of the road while driving to sob and cry and scream. I cried 3-4 times per day that first week. Then it was once a day for a month or two. Gradually it was once a week, then maybe once a month. Do yourself a favor: don’t repeat that initial grief period over and over by continuing contact with the priest.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But, do grieve: “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">scream, cry, boil, shake, pound, moan, fall ache</b>.” This is the initial grief stage.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Followed by the woman’s chore to: “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">trudge through the black storm</b>.” Even the smallest task is difficult in the beginning. Going to work, caring for your child, taking a shower, etc. Putting on a normal face to the world is hard. The “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">sad mad bitter rain</b>” of crying, sorrow, anger, and hopelessness seems like it will last forever. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Don’t expect to ever “get over it” fully. You may, or you may not. </b>During the time that you have not gotten over it fully (which may well be the rest of your life), you must assimilate it into your life and live with the loss as best you can. You <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can </i>go on, though it won’t seem like it at first. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Eventually the day will come when you can finally say that Fr. X is not the first thing that came to mind when you awoke that morning. It’s a start. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Healing </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s been said that it takes seven years to heal from a major hurt. The longest I personally have faced is four years over a separate trauma that occurred when I was a teenager. This was 20 years ago and I can still sit here and cry about it if I want to. But I rarely do anymore. So I know there is hope for women to move on with their lives despite having loved a priest. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There can never be accurate statistics to measure the toll this takes on the lives of women (or priests), because the shame and secrecy of the situation means that most of these relationships will never come to light. But I have known women who were involved with priests and known of them, and most of these women do not end up getting married (or married again if she was divorced). I find this to be unfortunate and sad. Conversely, many priests that I’ve known to be involved with a woman, even if he remains in the priesthood at the time, will later leave the priesthood either to marry someone else or for other reasons.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes healing has to be forced. The woman has to force herself to become involved in activities that will take her mind off of the situation. I had to give up my precious walks in the country for 6 months so that I would not slip back into the deep grief that too much thinking can allow. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">want true love</b>” means that, whether the woman marries or not, learning from a situation and being able to identify truth is important. What is True Love? It’s many things, but first it means Authenticity. It means sacrificing your own wants for another person sometimes. It means not using another person or allowing yourself to be used. Love yourself first. Your self-esteem will take a hit after a rejection of this magnitude, but it’s not because you are not beautiful, both inside and out. A priest did not marry you and it was not because you were “not good enough;” it was because of fear and insecurities that he has. Know that.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">swim, soar, sing, play, live, dream</b>” Yes, these can happen again. Don’t force it, but don’t deny it either. Allow yourself to be happy, baby step by baby step. The biggest favor you can ever do for yourself is not to allow “lack” to take over your life. I used to pray at night. Now I just thank God for the good things that happened that day, the little things too. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">worship</b>” I inserted this almost as an afterthought to the poem, but actually it is probably the most important part. If the woman leaves Catholicism, it’s hard to separate God from religion. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Don’t give up Jesus just because you had to give up the priest</b> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">or the Catholic Church</b>. For that matter, don’t give up the Catholic Church if that is your true home. It’s all individual, but spirituality and compassion are most easily gained through suffering. Compassion is what Jesus preached over and over in the bible. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">“love” </b>There’s a reason I put this after “want true love.” Don’t reject love because you’ve been burned before. Don’t think that your only chance at love passed you by—and even if you never enter a romantic relationship again, there are many many kinds of love, and they should all be embraced. Love your child, your family, your friends, and even strangers—the priest can never take that away from you.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">let the flood of time, light, beauty</b>” Time and distance inevitably heal. Time is your friend, and also your enemy, because with it comes certain death. But it will also give you the greatest gift: relief from intense suffering. However, time without light will not help you. Tolle writes, “If the shutters</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">are closed, the sunlight cannot come in.” When you let the light in, suddenly you will see beauty in things you never noticed before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus speaks in the bible of the ability to recognize and appreciate beauty in nature and seemingly small things as a path to salvation. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">whisper but shine</b>” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is in the quiet moments that wisdom and perspective shine. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sometimes a life-altering event such as leaving the Catholic Church or a breakup or a death can cause a spiritual awakening. </b>Rather, an individual is most likely to allow a spiritual awakening in themselves at a turning point in their lives. If this happens, it usually only lasts if it is woven into your life in a way that is not ostentatious. It may come immediately or occur over time, but if it is showy or false or a defense mechanism, it will not last—once the suffering has abated, the spiritual awakening and the ability to see the sacred in small things will be lost. There is a bible verse that has always stayed with me, that I read while at mass. 1Kings 19:11-12 says, </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" name="v11"></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bookmark: v11;">11 </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Then the LORD said [to Elijah], "Go outside and stand on the mountain before the LORD; the LORD will be passing by." A strong and heavy wind was rending the mountains and crushing rocks before the LORD--but <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">the LORD was not in the wind</b>. After the wind there was an earthquake--but <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">the</b> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">LORD was not in the earthquake</b>. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.5in;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" name="v12"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">12 </span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>After the earthquake there was fire--but <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">the LORD was not in the fire</b>. After the fire there was a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">tiny whispering sound</b>. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Compare this passage of divine manifestations to Elijah with those to Moses in Exodus on the same<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mount Horeb. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the latter, wind, earthquakes and fire announce divine presence, but they don’t </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">constitute the presence itself which, like the tiny whispering sound, is imperceptible and indicates the </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">spirituality of God.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">for eternity</b>” This has a double meaning. In <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A New Earth, </i>Tolle says that, “The fire of suffering becomes the light of consciousness. The ego says, ‘I shouldn't have to suffer,’ and that thought makes you </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">suffer so much more. It is a distortion of the truth, which is always paradoxical. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The truth is that you need to say yes to suffering before you can transcend it.</b>” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is what I meant when I referred earlier to the fact that the woman may never “get over it” after she has loved a priest and if that is the case, that suffering must assimilate into her life. This is true of any suffering, actually. Even the expected death of a grandparent in your early adulthood signifies a deep loss and although you will move on from it and think about it less and less, there is a hole there that will be felt at moments—perhaps several years later—and cause both suffering and a spiritual presence.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Eternity</b>” really has two definitions: the end of this life is “eternity” for those who do not believe in an afterlife, and “eternity” indicates that afterlife for those who believe there is one. It’s also a word that is misused often, especially in judgment of others when a person or group of people believe that their religion is the only true path to heaven. The Catholic Church especially preaches that they are the “one true church” and those who leave it are bound for hell for all eternity. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is a major reason why many priests do not leave the institution to marry—they feel that they would jeopardize their own soul as well as the soul of their beloved. A priest will often be so convinced of this that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">he actually believes he is showing far more love for the woman by remaining a priest than he would if he married her</b>. For, sending her to hell would hardly be showing her love. That is what his spiritual director, and most of his peers and superiors will tell him if he attempts to discuss the matter. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">If you are a woman who loved a priest, and/or have left Catholicism, and if there is an afterlife, the doors are still very much open to you.</span></div>Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087780937615681777noreply@blogger.com67tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3364508380827506219.post-67523825678833329262011-03-22T15:57:00.000-07:002011-03-28T15:08:28.591-07:00After Catholicism – Now What?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4bf6bFkd5m42GA1RcaG6I6Cc5W8ZXZ5RTdLIhEnymC5ImRjX-EN9jpfIeQUDxQmf1yealqDEBYMjRBthaJuxtYbZUQWWLxU7l7OaS7Jpq3DMd24PGfa4ThvbkG4xO_86EnyXmlHsoEtc/s1600/notallwhowander.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4bf6bFkd5m42GA1RcaG6I6Cc5W8ZXZ5RTdLIhEnymC5ImRjX-EN9jpfIeQUDxQmf1yealqDEBYMjRBthaJuxtYbZUQWWLxU7l7OaS7Jpq3DMd24PGfa4ThvbkG4xO_86EnyXmlHsoEtc/s320/notallwhowander.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Someone wrote me last week asking if I knew of the “perfect church” for ex-Catholics. She had found this site by searching for those keywords. She said she had tried other religions, but missed the ceremonial aspect of Catholicism. I’m cyber-friends with another Sort-of Catholic who said she had the same experience, tried other religions, and finally ended up returning to the Catholic Church. Sort of. A childhood friend recently told me that she misses nothing at all about the church, but she left at age 18, whereas I and these other women were in our 30s.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wrote back, and told her that there is no such thing as a perfect church, because religion is man-made and therefore differs from spirituality.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At least that is my opinion. Then again, I do not miss the ceremonial aspects of Catholicism at all. Mass was hard for me to sit through. I found its repetitiveness to be mind-numbing. Otherwise, I had little objection to most laws and philosophies of the Church. I didn’t delve deep into understanding much of it, either. What I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do </i>miss about Catholicism: the homily, going on retreats, community, opportunities for volunteer work, the lovely church building itself that was my parish and holds many wonderful memories. I also miss not being divided from my family on the subject of religion.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For any former Catholic, inevitably there is the question: <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Now what? </b>I left the church two years ago and am still somewhat uncertain where to go from here. I still mourn the loss sometimes and in the beginning I had trouble separating God from Catholicism.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">See, another reason there is no “perfect” solution to the “What now?” question is that we all became former Catholics for</span><a href="http://www.formercatholic.com/2011/03/top-reasons-catholics-are-leaving.html"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="color: #548dd4; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><strong>different reasons</strong></span> </span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and at different times in our lives. I’ve tried to find out where most people go when the leave Catholicism, and found <u><a href="http://religions.pewforum.org/reports">this</a></u>:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
<em><span style="color: #0b5394;">While those Americans who are unaffiliated with any particular religion have seen the greatest growth in numbers as a result of changes in affiliation, Catholicism has experienced the greatest net losses as a result of affiliation changes. While nearly one-in-three Americans (31%) were raised in the Catholic faith, today fewer than one-in-four (24%) describe themselves as Catholic.</span></em></span><br />
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Bishop John McCarthy writes on his website:<br />
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<em><span style="color: #0b5394;">Why do these people leave? One of the most common reasons articulated is that they do not see the Catholic Church as a loving community of faith striving mightily to bring truth, justice and love into the world. Rather, in their opinion, they see a very large organization in which most individuals become isolated and this organization is controlled by a group of leaders that are insensitive to the needs of the people, who are seen to be more concerned about exercising power and control than a generous concern for all.</span></em><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Further down in the post he quotes Father William Byron, who states:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><em>If they really believed in Jesus’ presence, a misstep of this or that ecclesiastical leader and a failure at good communication within the Church would not motivate departure. If they really believed in the presence of Jesus, they would hold on through thick and thin and pray that a restructuring in the Church may soon come to reflect with much greater clarity the continued presence of Jesus of Nazareth</em></span>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, McCarthy is disagreeing with Byron here. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And he uses that sentiment to bring home the central reason that all former Catholics—regardless of the circumstances surrounding our departure—leave Catholicism. We do not see the church as being the sole path (or for some, a path at all) toward truth, love, and justice. Whether we believe in Jesus’ presence or not, we have been able to separate that presence from Catholicism, at least partially, and in some cases view the church and Jesus in direct opposition. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The perfect church cannot be found here on earth. This isn’t to say there are not good churches that may be a better fit for some of us. We can, however, weave the missed aspects of our former faith into our lives in other ways, while growing in our spirituality and embracing the one quality that Jesus taught over and over in the bible: compassion.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">QUESTION FOR FORMER CATHOLICS:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What spiritual path, if any, have you taken since leaving the Catholic church? </span></div>Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087780937615681777noreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3364508380827506219.post-64957311998760899132011-03-13T00:04:00.000-08:002011-03-13T00:04:13.398-08:00Top Reasons Catholics are Leaving the Catholic Church<span style="color: black; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Whether it’s simply a lack of Mass attendance or suffering from serious clergy abuse, there are many reasons we have left the Church. Here are some of the main reasons that Catholics have become Former Catholics: <br />
<br />
1. You’ve left the Catholic faith without even realizing it—one day you just stop attending and never look back. You never felt connected to the Church or parish and no one has even noticed you are not there anymore. <br />
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2. You left because you’ve married a non-Catholic and decide to embrace that faith instead. <br />
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3. You discovered that Catholicism does not coincide with many of the bible’s teachings and that much of its doctrine is man-made. You either join another faith or do not join another denomination. <br />
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4. You’ve gone through many agonizing struggles with Catholic dogma, and ultimately realize that your life situation cannot be reconciled with Catholic doctrine. <br />
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5. Perhaps you are currently still a Catholic “in good standing” but are discerning whether Catholicism is the answer to salvation. <br />
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6. Hypocrisy. A traumatic life event involving a member of the church hierarchy has left you reeling and this religious abuse ends your tie with Catholicism in a split second. <br />
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7. A traumatic life event in general has questioned your belief in God or Christianity altogether. <br />
<br />
Or maybe it’s a combination of several of these factors. For many cradle Catholics, Catholicism is not just a religion, it’s a culture and a way of life. Catholics who question an aspect of doctrine may find themselves at a crossroads of confusion and anxiety, especially those who feel an affinity and attachment to their parish.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> <br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;">Just as there are many reasons that Catholics leave the church, there are many demographics: young and old, with thorough knowledge of Catholic teaching or little knowledge at all, and some feel at total peace with their decision while others may find the break deeply painful. <br />
<br />
So this is a group website, where guest posts and comments are welcome and encouraged, where resources are shared. We want to hear your story, to share the struggles and triumphs along your spiritual journey during and after Catholicism.</span></span>Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087780937615681777noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3364508380827506219.post-29696929685984519042011-03-08T15:35:00.000-08:002011-03-08T15:35:27.905-08:00Deliver Us From Evil <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3YG64LTWVwZcvYOzLN95eukdVLZkXStbb1UA7ziY8MYwArSoe8lvbCrxCscCfkFxjP8-keJ_lY4tDkcx_fkJAdjSN3WeVc9an4FPMwdvWupFnIJuACFKQ6sE6sZZ8EFJQOnw5Mh_422c/s1600/Deliver_us_from_evil2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3YG64LTWVwZcvYOzLN95eukdVLZkXStbb1UA7ziY8MYwArSoe8lvbCrxCscCfkFxjP8-keJ_lY4tDkcx_fkJAdjSN3WeVc9an4FPMwdvWupFnIJuACFKQ6sE6sZZ8EFJQOnw5Mh_422c/s320/Deliver_us_from_evil2.jpg" width="216" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: small;">© Wikipedia </span></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table> <span style="font-family: "Calibri", "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><strong><em>“Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.”—<a href="http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/deliver-us-from-evil/#comment-155999280">Sam</a>, victim of child molestation by a priest</em></strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri", "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Before I left the Roman Catholic Church, I used to hear some former Catholics say that they had left the church because they had a run-in of some sort with a priest. I used to think it was a stupid reason to leave the church—priests are mere human beings and of course you aren’t going to be fond of every priest. Priests are not infallible. They are people, and there are good and bad priests in the system, just as there are good and bad politicians running this country…so my logic was, if you don’t like the president, it doesn’t mean you are no longer an American. So leaving the church due to an issue with a priest seemed incongruous to me. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Of course, it no longer does. Unless you have been on the receiving end of religious abuse of any sort, then it really is impossible to know what you will do, no matter how staunch your loyalty to any institution. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri", "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">"The greatest persecution of the church doesn't come from enemies on the outside but is born from the sins within the church."—Pope Benedict XVI, May 10, 2010</span></i></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">I watched <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Deliver Us From Evil</i> when I was still a practicing Catholic. I thought the pedophile scandals were as horrific then as I do now, and it’s an interesting side note that many or most of us “ex-Catholics” hold the same or better values than we did before we left the RCC.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">The movie centers around 3 of Oliver O’Grady’s victims, one boy and two girls. I watched this about 3 years ago (but have since read many articles about it) so I will comment on what I remember to be the most memorable and shocking to me. Indeed, the entire thing was shocking—but there were specific gut-wrenching moments in the film that really strike many of us as uniquely horrific. Universally, of course, it’s unbelievably insane that the bishops would allow O’Grady to transfer from parish to parish knowing full well that he was raping children. It’s obviously grotesque that O’Grady would receive such a mild sentence and be allowed to return to Ireland, where he is a free man today. And that he would—even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">jovially</i>—recount his crimes on air in this documentary is borderline personality disorder.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">However, the thing that shocked the hell out of me about this film, was Ann Joyno’s tearful commentary that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">she remains a steadfast practicing Catholic, despite being raped over and over as a child</b> by this monster, despite her once-devout parents’ vow never to set foot inside a church again. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Because the moment in the film that leaves us feeling kicked in the stomach as we watch it, is her dad’s heartbreaking display of agony over the fact that he allowed a monster into his home for years—years that he now knows a monster was raping his daughter over and over. That he worked hard to pay tuition for his daughter to go to a Catholic school to receive a wholesome spiritual atmosphere, but instead was being raped <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">That he trusted.</i> That he can never forgive himself for his lack of judgment in not seeing, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">for years</i>, that this man he held on a pedestal was a devil in his home. That because of this, his daughter suffered the worst of crimes throughout her childhood. That even now he knows this man is alive and well and thus able to continue committing these horrors.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Grief like that, so raw and wrenching, was the heart of the film for me. And Ann’s tears, that if she ever marries, her father will not walk her down the aisle because Bob Joyno will not—<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can not</i>—enter a Catholic church ever again. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">For Ann, I suspect, the indoctrination during her formative years when her parents were extremely devout Catholics, this indoctrination and the only spiritual life she’s ever known, has taught her that O’Grady was just a man, not the church, not the institution. Her spiritual life, despite the horrors she suffered, was never separated from Catholicism—after all, she knew about the abuse nearly all of her life. But for Bob Joyno and his wife, the rug was ripped out from under them to discover that their house of cards had not been made of brick, that everything—their church, their priest, their daughter’s upbringing and well-being—was all a lie.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Where are They Today?</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">It would be interesting to find out where Ann, her parents, Nancy Sloan, and Adam are today. But I have not been able to find any information about them. Are they still Catholic? Did they all leave the church? Did the pope’s apology affect them? And what of O’Grady? He seems to have disappeared altogether. Except that he is still out there. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">And so are many others.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div></span>Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087780937615681777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3364508380827506219.post-29383374430571784662011-02-26T11:22:00.000-08:002011-04-05T20:03:45.168-07:00Invitation to Former Catholics for Guest Posts and Comments<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHB2gDtLetnaCSFkrqQOrYWBGz0cIeAiJ4b8YrC__VAjUH2aZO0XHBA3B1D8iAAPw2N73DkOeHrevrdxa9y-5BzviPYs62cndn0RwUy4Eo4H0qTeHkdpHer2gkeN7GwC2WbX2KVCMRN6E/s1600/Einstein+Quote.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="80" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHB2gDtLetnaCSFkrqQOrYWBGz0cIeAiJ4b8YrC__VAjUH2aZO0XHBA3B1D8iAAPw2N73DkOeHrevrdxa9y-5BzviPYs62cndn0RwUy4Eo4H0qTeHkdpHer2gkeN7GwC2WbX2KVCMRN6E/s320/Einstein+Quote.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Following is a tentative list of topics I would like to explore on this site. I'd like to invite any Catholic in transition or former Catholics to guest post or comment on the following topics. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You may also reach me directly at </span><a href="mailto:aftercatholicism@gmail"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">aftercatholicism@gmail</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> with questions or suggestions for other topics. I welcome your thoughts! </span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">After Catholicism – now what?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Apologetics</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Annullments</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Authenticity</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Bible vs. Catechism</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Bloody Church History</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Cafeteria Catholics</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Catholic Dating Sites – Beware</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Catholic Converts</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Celibacy in the Priesthood</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Confession</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Cradle Catholics</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Excommunication</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Family Planning – Birth Control, Infertility and Single Parenthood</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Feminist Theology</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Former Catholics – Why did you leave?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Gay Marriage</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Good Things About the Church</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In the News</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Intolerance</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Heretics</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Hypocrisy</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Judgemental Catholics and Parish Cliques</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Lent, Fasting and Fish</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Love Is a Decision</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Marriage – the Church’s particular view</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Mary</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Non-Catholics Can be Saved</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Novenas and the Rosary</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Nuns</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Opus Dei</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Papal Infallability and the Magisterium</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Pedophile Scandals in the Church</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Parishes in Peril</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Pharisaism in Catholicism</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Priests In Love</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Priests Who Leave and Why</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Pro-life Movement</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Protestant Reformation and Indulgences</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Purgatory</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Resources & Reviews - Media</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Resources - Online</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Sacraments</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Sacrifical Love</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Single Catholics </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Spirituality Versus Religion</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Statistics</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Stewardship – Time, Talent, Treasure</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><place w:st="on"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Vatican</span></place><span style="font-family: Arial;"> II</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Vocations</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Women in Love With a Priest</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Women’s Limited Role</span></div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">World Marriage Day</span>Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087780937615681777noreply@blogger.com6